Burrito Boys: 2011

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Waitrose; ‘The Posh’ Grocer.

In the all-consuming and never ending quest for burritos and Mexican dishes across the board; the burritoboys North-American chapter has chosen to reminisce of his time on the British isles and his maverick like nosh purchasing reconnaissance in the British grocery world. Enjoy.

As a sprouting boy in need of nourishing fuel, my family grocer of choice was always ‘Waitrose’; reliable, well-located, tasty and rational. Even though we would cheat on our usual marketplace with ‘Marks and Spencer’, ‘Waitrose’ was our bread and butter. The crisp smell of the cathedral sized food emporium was overwhelming as a boy, once so much so that I pulled the fire alarm just to scamper off in my school uniform knickerbockers and hide under my mothers shopping cart, precarious little scamp that I was. Of course our culinary shopping wasn’t limited to the four, all be it large, walls of ‘Waitrose’, we also indulged in the posh boutique-grocers of Knightsbridge and South Kensington, desperate for a taste of the highlife. It was only when mistakenly stumbling into a ‘Morrison’s’ and an ‘Iceland’ that we realized how good we had it. The lies spread by the sun-kissed Alan Hansen and the overtly big-titted Kerry Katona respectively aren’t enough to mask the deep overwhelming sense of depression that fills every shopping isle, with the garish clashing colour combinations and the £1 deals screaming at you from flimsy pieces of neon card, one feels more like they are spending their dole money in a Turkish corner store in the 1990’s than casually shopping in a nationwide supermarket chain. This rude awakening served mainly to show us how good we had it in the first place, the solid, strong British racing green seen in the ‘Waitrose’ signage had never rung so true, a beacon of hope there after, and forever after that.

Looking back, one can hardly be held responsible for cheating on our grocer, M&S a British institution, “Go to the supermarket for the main haul, then Marks and Sparks for your bits”, that’s the mantra I believe. So when picking up your various burrito accoutrement don’t be ashamed if you stray from your old-faithful.
M.G.H.

Thursday, 10 March 2011

BURRITO BOY MAKING THE STEP UP

OUR MAN BURRITO BOY IS FINALLY DOING US PROUD, HE'S GONE AND NAGGED HIMSELF A SLOT AT BRIGHTON'S VERY OWN VOLKS CLUB ON TUESDAY 22ND APRIL 2011

BURRITO BOY IS RUMOURED TO BE DROPPING ALL KINDS OF NASTYNESS ON THE NIGHT FROM HEAVY BLACK BEAN BEATS TO SOME SMOOTH LAIDBACK SOUR CREAM SOULTUNES. EITHER WAY IT'S A NIGHT NONE OF US WANT TO MISS. YET TO BE CONFIRMED BUT ALSO NEWS OF A BURRITO STAND PARKED OUTSIDE VOLKS FOR ALL YOU DUTTY LITTLE RAVERS ON THE WAY HOME! LETS MAKE THIS A WRAP!

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

THE BURRITOPHILE

Peadophile priest Jerold Lindner looking rather suspect in LA's very own Burrito King in Silver Lake. At $5 a pop however, who could blame him? Check out their menu here.

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Rick Stein's Burrito Odyssey

This Fiery Motherfucker looks like he could rustle up a Majestic Burrito. It's a shame he's so drawn to the tequila and off-colour interactions with the locals (Drunken Bigot that he is 'our Rick).

Rick always meant to start creating his signature mexican dish, but some sandy-skinned temptress would snatch his attention away from the hand-made flour tortilla canvas that lay before him and bring his focus to his second passion of letching and frothing over women far too young for him, as one does, and as he does, daily.

This pervy/pathetic display is often followed by 'our Rick drowning his sorrows in whatever alcoholic beverage he can get his fishy fingers on.

This longing to make love to a woman and consequent alcoholic spells of depression have meant that his culinary skills have been squandered. And the Rick Stein Burrito has, alas, never been completed.

P.S. True Story:
The only food 'our Rick truly loves is Fish, and in his words, his favourite fish when asked at an Oxford University College Bar was "Turbot". When my acquaintance asked the very publicly drunken Rick Stein why it was the Turbot that had a special place in his heart, he replied: "Because it's so fucking expensive". 'Our Rick was later spotted that night by the same acquaintance, where he was helping a prospective 50-year-old lover as she vomitted in the gutter beside the popular midnight meeting spot Ahmed's kebab van on Oxford high-street.

Bless his Bastard Heart.

M.G.H.

EXPOSE MULTI-MEDIA FOLLOW UP

BURRITO PUNS

HAVE A LOOK AT THIS POOR LITTLE FELLA, ON HIS WAY HOME HE GETS THWACKED IN THE FACE WITH PROPER HENCH BURRITO. MUST OF HURT IF IT'S WRAPPED ANYWHERE NEAR AS TIGHTLY AT SOME OF OURS IN BURRITO PALACE. BUT HEY, IF ANYTHING IT JUST POINTS TO THE ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES OF BURRITO'S ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS.

WHY CATS IN BURRITOS???- AN EXPOSE

Research from the University of West England has indicated that 12.5% of all "Burrito" search items on the Google Images service resulted in the negative graphication of cats. Why the association? And why now? The start of 2011 saw this number rise to 15%, in line with the increases in inflation. Bloody Clegg. Leaves us to ask whether "The Big Society" is just another cover up created by the coalition to curb the increasing reliance of cat meat used in the flagging Mexican food industry.

THESE CALVIN KLEINS ARE RESTRICTING MY BURRITO

THEY AINT GOT NO BURRITO

GOOD HONEST MUSIC FROM THE HEART

A GROUP OF MEN AFTER OUR OWN HEARTS, PIONEERS IF YOU WILL IN CATAPULTING THE BURRITO INTO THE CANON OF MAINSTREAM MEDIA AND CULTURE. HERE ARE JUST A FEW OTHER PICTURES I THOUGHT RELEVANT TO THAT LAZY SUNDAY BURRITO EVENING

AND MAKE IT SNAPPY...

I NEED A BURRITO MAMA

APPLIED COGNITIVE BURRITO

The interviewing of suspects and witnesses alike has become an integral aspect of today’s legal burrito system. With crime rates increasing, one would theorise that the police force would actively seek the most efficient and effective interview methods, but what is the most successful interview technique?

One of the most widely researched procedures has been dubbed the Cognitive Interview (CI), which attempts to engage various thought processes such as learning and perception to aid accurate and extensive recall. Using this method, the interviewer would aim to tap into a process known as the encoding specificity principle, which proposes that memories are connected to the context in which they were formed. This would involve asking questions such as: “How were you feeling at that time?”. Consequently, such lines of enquiry enable the witness to metaphorically return to the scene of the crime, facilitating improved recall. Other components of the CI require interviewees to move from their own perspective to someone else’s from the crime scene, or being asked open-ended questions that encourage free recall of all the knowledge available to them concerning the event. The technique seems to be very effective, with evaluations suggesting recall is 25-50% higher with CI, compared to the standard interview.

FRENCH HUMANIST PHOTOGRAPHIC BURRITOS

In the wake of the Second World War and after the “epuration”, there was a pressing need to unify France and to form a national burrito identity to which all classes could subscribe. This identity was largely constructed through the iconic works of the humanist photographers of the time, Henri Cartier – Bresson and Robert Doisneau. Some of the most important contextual elements of their work was the emergence of the “classe ouvriere” (working class) and their role in French society becoming more prominent and recognized. Another important feature of their work was the loss of the Malthusian values which had dominated French society in the early 20th century and were beginning to be suppressed as families were being encouraged to have more children in light of the numbers lost at war, Charles De Gaulle even called for “Twelve million beautiful babies” to be produced. The documentation of the everyday lives of the working class and their children became the focal point in the works of Doisneau and Cartier – Bresson, they symbolized the hope and the opportunity to re build a nation that was left in despair after the war. The photographers were also using other subjects to help denote a particular idea of what
constituted “Frenchness” at that historical moment, they looked at housing conditions, lovers and, most importantly, the playfulness of children on the streets. It was these three themes and the desire to capture everyday life that helped to re build the nation and place this particular concept of “Frenchness” within a particular dominant representational paradigm. Cartier – Bresson was quoted as saying that his most important subject and motivation behind his work was “mankind, man and his life, so brief, so frail, so threatened.”

SAY NO TO CASUAL RACISM. TOP GEAR- BURRITO HATERS

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-12338053

NUCLEAR BURRITOS

The end of 2010 saw nuclear burrito proliferation thrust back into the public domain. Alarm bells rang with the discovery of a second uranium enrichment plant in North Korea1 as the indication that once again Pyongyang was stepping up its nuclear development program prompted US officials to call for it to be reinstated as a state sponsor of terrorism2. The spread of nuclear weapons has remained a high priority for the global community since the end of the Cold War, who clearly interpreted recent developments as a threat to international security. In comparison to nuclear proliferation, the prospect of nuclear terrorism has always been a relatively contentious issue. Yet with the increasing radicalisation of modern terrorist organisations and increasing concerns over the safety and protection of nuclear materials, arguments which have rejected its potential are looking increasingly dangerous and outdated. Within contemporary international security, there is more than ever a real potential for nuclear terrorism. This claim is not one built around distorted paranoia and pessimism, but one which finds disconcerting holes in the number of factors which have previously prevented the nuclear terror threat. Therefore the aim of this paper is to assess whether or not nuclear terrorism poses a threat to contemporary international security.

SEXY BURRITO

THE HORNY BURRITO
the horny burrito is a sexual position in which the male is lying on the ground and the female is on top. it is so named because while the female is on top she is eating a burrito specifically from chipotle. many find arousal in this position because fixins from the burrito fall and the female lick them up seductively creating a greater sense of sexuality. The horny burrito can also be performed in gymnasiums for added sexual arousal

TIMELESS MUSICIANSHIP

I have so much time for this man, quite simply a fantastic musician. Has brought tears flowing into my spice mix on more than one occasion.

A TRULY BEAUTIFUL FILM

DOESN'T NEED ANY EXPLAINING.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

AVOCADOS AND BREASTS

THERE ISN'T ANYTHING MUCH BETTER THAN THESE TWO THINGS, MAYBE WHEN THEY ARE PUT TOGETHER...? GORGEOUS.

WOULD LOVE TO STICK THIS FELLA'S HEAD IN A BURRITO

Greg Wallace, BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL HEAD. HE KNOWS HIS PUDDINGS ASWELL.

CRAZY WORLD

Some crazy flavours, who new Romania had 12 different variations of Fanta whilst were stuck with a mere 4 in the UK? Cracking website, check this shit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_availability_of_Fanta

Bulgaria

* Dizzy (blackcurrant) (discontinued)
* Exotic (discontinued)
* Grapefruit
* Icy Lemon
* Latina (formerly Exotic) (discontinued)
* Lemon
* Madness (elderflower)
* Mango (discontinued)
* Orange
* Pineapple (discontinued)
* Wild Berries (discontinued)
* World Brasil (discontinued)
* World Jamaica (apple and lime) (discontinued)
* World Thailand

WILLY HOLLAND. JESUS.

IF RUMOURS ARE TRUE, SHE'S DJING AT THE JAM, BRIGHTON, THIS THURSDAY 25TH FEBRUARY. CANT WAIT. GET ON IT.
http://www.viewbrighton.co.uk/clubs/jam-maps-59595.html