Waitrose; ‘The Posh’ Grocer.

In the all-consuming and never ending quest for burritos and Mexican dishes across the board; the burritoboys North-American chapter has chosen to reminisce of his time on the British isles and his maverick like nosh purchasing reconnaissance in the British grocery world. Enjoy.

As a sprouting boy in need of nourishing fuel, my family grocer of choice was always ‘Waitrose’; reliable, well-located, tasty and rational. Even though we would cheat on our usual marketplace with ‘Marks and Spencer’, ‘Waitrose’ was our bread and butter. The crisp smell of the cathedral sized food emporium was overwhelming as a boy, once so much so that I pulled the fire alarm just to scamper off in my school uniform knickerbockers and hide under my mothers shopping cart, precarious little scamp that I was. Of course our culinary shopping wasn’t limited to the four, all be it large, walls of ‘Waitrose’, we also indulged in the posh boutique-grocers of Knightsbridge and South Kensington, desperate for a taste of the highlife. It was only when mistakenly stumbling into a ‘Morrison’s’ and an ‘Iceland’ that we realized how good we had it. The lies spread by the sun-kissed Alan Hansen and the overtly big-titted Kerry Katona respectively aren’t enough to mask the deep overwhelming sense of depression that fills every shopping isle, with the garish clashing colour combinations and the £1 deals screaming at you from flimsy pieces of neon card, one feels more like they are spending their dole money in a Turkish corner store in the 1990’s than casually shopping in a nationwide supermarket chain. This rude awakening served mainly to show us how good we had it in the first place, the solid, strong British racing green seen in the ‘Waitrose’ signage had never rung so true, a beacon of hope there after, and forever after that.

Looking back, one can hardly be held responsible for cheating on our grocer, M&S a British institution, “Go to the supermarket for the main haul, then Marks and Sparks for your bits”, that’s the mantra I believe. So when picking up your various burrito accoutrement don’t be ashamed if you stray from your old-faithful.
M.G.H.

BURRITO BOY MAKING THE STEP UP

OUR MAN BURRITO BOY IS FINALLY DOING US PROUD, HE'S GONE AND NAGGED HIMSELF A SLOT AT BRIGHTON'S VERY OWN VOLKS CLUB ON TUESDAY 22ND APRIL 2011

BURRITO BOY IS RUMOURED TO BE DROPPING ALL KINDS OF NASTYNESS ON THE NIGHT FROM HEAVY BLACK BEAN BEATS TO SOME SMOOTH LAIDBACK SOUR CREAM SOULTUNES. EITHER WAY IT'S A NIGHT NONE OF US WANT TO MISS. YET TO BE CONFIRMED BUT ALSO NEWS OF A BURRITO STAND PARKED OUTSIDE VOLKS FOR ALL YOU DUTTY LITTLE RAVERS ON THE WAY HOME! LETS MAKE THIS A WRAP!

THE BURRITOPHILE

Peadophile priest Jerold Lindner looking rather suspect in LA's very own Burrito King in Silver Lake. At $5 a pop however, who could blame him? Check out their menu here.

Rick Stein's Burrito Odyssey

This Fiery Motherfucker looks like he could rustle up a Majestic Burrito. It's a shame he's so drawn to the tequila and off-colour interactions with the locals (Drunken Bigot that he is 'our Rick).

Rick always meant to start creating his signature mexican dish, but some sandy-skinned temptress would snatch his attention away from the hand-made flour tortilla canvas that lay before him and bring his focus to his second passion of letching and frothing over women far too young for him, as one does, and as he does, daily.

This pervy/pathetic display is often followed by 'our Rick drowning his sorrows in whatever alcoholic beverage he can get his fishy fingers on.

This longing to make love to a woman and consequent alcoholic spells of depression have meant that his culinary skills have been squandered. And the Rick Stein Burrito has, alas, never been completed.

P.S. True Story:
The only food 'our Rick truly loves is Fish, and in his words, his favourite fish when asked at an Oxford University College Bar was "Turbot". When my acquaintance asked the very publicly drunken Rick Stein why it was the Turbot that had a special place in his heart, he replied: "Because it's so fucking expensive". 'Our Rick was later spotted that night by the same acquaintance, where he was helping a prospective 50-year-old lover as she vomitted in the gutter beside the popular midnight meeting spot Ahmed's kebab van on Oxford high-street.

Bless his Bastard Heart.

M.G.H.

EXPOSE MULTI-MEDIA FOLLOW UP

BURRITO PUNS

HAVE A LOOK AT THIS POOR LITTLE FELLA, ON HIS WAY HOME HE GETS THWACKED IN THE FACE WITH PROPER HENCH BURRITO. MUST OF HURT IF IT'S WRAPPED ANYWHERE NEAR AS TIGHTLY AT SOME OF OURS IN BURRITO PALACE. BUT HEY, IF ANYTHING IT JUST POINTS TO THE ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES OF BURRITO'S ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS.

WHY CATS IN BURRITOS???- AN EXPOSE

Research from the University of West England has indicated that 12.5% of all "Burrito" search items on the Google Images service resulted in the negative graphication of cats. Why the association? And why now? The start of 2011 saw this number rise to 15%, in line with the increases in inflation. Bloody Clegg. Leaves us to ask whether "The Big Society" is just another cover up created by the coalition to curb the increasing reliance of cat meat used in the flagging Mexican food industry.