Sunday 20 February 2011

Rick Stein's Burrito Odyssey



This Fiery Motherfucker looks like he could rustle up a Majestic Burrito. It's a shame he's so drawn to the tequila and off-colour interactions with the locals (Drunken Bigot that he is 'our Rick).

Rick always meant to start creating his signature mexican dish, but some sandy-skinned temptress would snatch his attention away from the hand-made flour tortilla canvas that lay before him and bring his focus to his second passion of letching and frothing over women far too young for him, as one does, and as he does, daily.

This pervy/pathetic display is often followed by 'our Rick drowning his sorrows in whatever alcoholic beverage he can get his fishy fingers on.

This longing to make love to a woman and consequent alcoholic spells of depression have meant that his culinary skills have been squandered. And the Rick Stein Burrito has, alas, never been completed.

P.S. True Story:
The only food 'our Rick truly loves is Fish, and in his words, his favourite fish when asked at an Oxford University College Bar was "Turbot". When my acquaintance asked the very publicly drunken Rick Stein why it was the Turbot that had a special place in his heart, he replied: "Because it's so fucking expensive". 'Our Rick was later spotted that night by the same acquaintance, where he was helping a prospective 50-year-old lover as she vomitted in the gutter beside the popular midnight meeting spot Ahmed's kebab van on Oxford high-street.

Bless his Bastard Heart.

M.G.H.

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